CUT IT OUT

  • Learn when to push pause 

  • If a fight is escalating know when to quit

  • Don’t let the sun go down on your anger 

  • Its an ATTITUDE “We will get through this, the sun will not go down on this ‘issue’

  • Sometimes the best thing is to actually quit - stop pushing - go to sleep 

  • You can revisit it later 

UNDERSTAND 

 

  • Treat every disagreement as a learning experience - not a battle

  • Biblical principle - a house divided against itself cannot stand 

  • You’re a TEAM - so begin to start playing as a team 

ASSESS 

 

  • pick your battles - no need to fight everything 

  • Maybe this isn’t the time - to fight your teenager for spending too much time on devices or bring up those deep issues & start fights with your spouse

  • MAKE SURE IT IS A PEACE TIME - then you can tackle the tough issues 

RESPOND 

 

  • not react. It's a skill that can be learnt 

ALWAYS

 

  • remember to be KIND

  • Most important ingredient - it can grow as your practice it 

  • We get too familiar and then become unkind

NEVER

 

  • hit

  • swear

  • or threaten divorce

TIMING 

 

  • time and place to fight fair and well

  • There is such a thing as fighting well

  • create a ‘peace table’, it's better to talk when things are calm and ‘weapons’ are put away

  • Who is watching? - never ‘fight’ in front of your kids

  • We tried to never discipline our children in public 

“I “

 

  • “I” statements - not “you” 

  • If you bring up a tough issue use the word “I” more than “you”

  • rather than hurling accusations take responsibility 

NOTE

 

  • your emotions

  • We try and numb our feelings and emotions with alcohol, shopping, pills etc

  • Write your feelings down on paper, get them out of your head and heart

EXPECTATIONS

 

 

Unfulfilled expectations 

  • maybe the biggest contributor to conflicts and strain in relationships is due to unfulfilled expectations 

 

  1. What helps - ‘over’ communicate ​​​​​

  2. Share your feelings  

  3. Share even your wants 

  4. Dreams

  5. Share what you don’t like 

 

  • Allow your teenagers and kids to have the opportunity to add value 

-       Maybe your expectations of them are not fair

-        May have to adjust 

  • Compromise is good sometimes and builds tremendous ‘goodwill’

  • REVIST them regularly